Back in 2020, I shared the story of my friend Zaitun on my Facebook page. A lot has changed since then, and I mean a lot. This lady has gone from leading a gang and peddling marijuana to being an avid bible reader. Who would have thunk it? Read her story below.
Zaitun is one of the few fluent Swahili-speaking Ugandans, and as if that’s not impressive enough, she speaks it with a touch of Sheng’. She says she learned Swahili because she grew up in one of the Ugandan army barracks, where the soldiers spoke a lot of Swahili. She would also memorize Swahili conversations from her Kenyan schoolmates and repeat them to herself later, making sure to get the accent just right.
One thing stands out about Zaitun: she has lived quite a life, one punctuated with extremes. Hers knows pain and pleasure, loneliness and belonging, hate and love, lack and plenty. All these, probably in unequal measure. This life can only be fully detailed in a book, which I’m speaking into existence, but for now, this will give a glimpse without stealing the book’s thunder.
She was born to Muslim parents, who named her Zaitun and raised her Muslim. Call her Zai, and she smiles ear to ear. She remembers living her best life around the season of Ramadan (mainly because of the food). She also remembers disliking the hijab with a passion; she never understood why they had to hide her beautiful face.
Zai smiles a lot; she laughs from her belly and loves without reservation. She hardly complains. You probably don’t complain when life deals you the hand it’s dealt her, when it throws extremes your way time and again. You probably don’t complain when this is life as you know it. And you most probably don’t complain when you’ve seen the heart of God like she has.
Her life was marked with pain from the onset. Her dad is originally from Rwanda, and most of his family was killed in the 1994 genocide. He never went back to Rwanda and never spoke about it either, understandably so. In Uganda, he met a bunch of fellow Rwandese. Their familiarity with each other’s pain and struggle bound them, and they became family—one big family founded on lemonade from life’s most bitter lemons. He later became the patriarch in this uniquely blended family.
Sadly, her parents separated when she was pretty young, smack in the middle of Christmas festivities, and so marked the beginning of her strained relationship with her dad, which kept getting worse and climaxed when he failed to take her to college after he promised to.
Growing up in the barracks, she saw humans at their worst—soldiers killing their wives out of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and she saw her brothers suffer at the hands of her dad’s PTSD. Speaking of PTSD, do soldiers have dedicated mental health professionals with them out there in the fields? They surely need them.
At 15, she led a gang; her school bag had more marijuana than books (which she personally farmed in the barracks like you would managu). Have you ever heard that peddlers don’t use? It’s true, she never used her products. I wonder how she did her QA/QC. She loved performing Fat Joe’s ‘I Want You’; her desk was her stage. She says she was an extreme tomboy, and looking at her now, it’s so hard to believe. She subconsciously did all this in a quest to find herself, to find her identity, to feel a sense of belonging, to be heard.
In 2014, Zai gave her life to Christ after her dad, her mom, and her sisters. Now she found her identity in Christ, now she knew she was loved, now she belonged, and now she had a Father who hears even before she says a word. It’s probably why she loves to pray.
She moved to Kenya in 2017 and found Kenyans to be very strange. Apparently, we hug too much, our variety of food ends as soon as it begins, we are always in a hurry, we can’t say anything without adding ‘si,’ and we have a thick accent. I know my fellow Kenyans are in disbelief at this point, but brothers and sisters, we do have an accent. In fact, I think everyone in the world does.
Here in Kenya, she found a church, and one day after service, she made a friend who introduced her to a Real Group, a small group from church that meets and fellowships during the week.
This particular season, the church was doing a Family series, and the series brought to bear all the bitterness she’d harbored towards her dad but had actively ignored over the years. The discussions in the Real Group spurred her to face her deepest hurts, her anger, and her pain. This marked the beginning of her forgiveness journey. She slowly faced all these, and though it didn’t come easy, she forgave her dad.
One Father’s Day, which happened to fall within that same season, she called him. She really wanted to tell him that she’d forgiven him, but she didn’t know how, so she postponed it, like she had a couple of times before. At the end of the call, her dad prayed for her, something he’d become very fond of. A modern-day case of Saul to Paul. Doesn’t the Lord transform? He was a changed man now, one who was cognizant of his past and the bridges he’d burnt. He constantly reached out to his kids and rebuilt the bridges the best way he knew.
In December 2019, Zai went home to be with family. This time she was going to sit with her dad and talk things over. She’d tell him of her pain, her anger, and her bitterness, but most importantly, she’d tell him that she’s forgiven him, that now she understood that he also had pains of his own, and how he expressed his love in the past was the best way he knew.
Unfortunately, her dad went to be with the Lord soon after Zai got home, and with him went her chance to say the things she’d really longed to say. She admits that living with this truth isn’t easy; sometimes she feels like she blew her chances, like she waited too long.
It, however, gives her joy that she was in the same spiritual space with her dad when he breathed his last. That they shared the love of Christ, that they shared a Father in heaven, and that they will surely meet again. And so, she prays every day. She prays he looks down on her and sees her heart, that it forgave him. She prays she finds peace. She prays all her brothers know Christ. She prays everyone experiences God like she has. She prays every day.